Death

With life having slowed down in a major way – did I know whether I would EVER leave ICU, “eternity” appears like a daily occurrence.
A particular bird’s-eye view cannot be avoided – all of the tohu-bohu of daily activity, whether it is the curtains that are drawn across the way in the ICU (I assume from the movement of people that someone has just died), or on the other hand, their busyness, people can easily be summarized in this way:

  • The Dead
  • The Living
  • The Kind
  • The Unkind

    People Simplified ©Marton 2012

    d

 

… the good and the bad.
You are in charge, even if you are dying.
(to be remembered, if possible, till the end)

Samuel Beckett
” Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
“I can’t go on, I will go on.”

Don Miguel
“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

As Ajahn Sumedho calls one of his books:
Don’t Take Your Life Personally

Copyright Alma M. 2008

Delirium #1
I was probably already in the ICU unit but in my head it was as if before surgery someone had asked me some questions and I had answered that I spoke French and their response had been that they had always wanted to learn French and so a French brain was great for them. My next thought was that they were going to squeeze that out of me to get that useful skill. Plus, they seemed intrigued by “the Pataphysics knowledge” stored in there too.
In the intensive care unit for the almost three weeks I was there, most of the time I felt I was nobody: everybody that came to me seemed to shove more tubes into me… until one day another tube was shoved down my throat but then I found myself, to my surprise, saying “no!” I had barely spoken before and this major act of resistance became suddenly the beginning of my escaping the timelessness of the ICU.

The only time when I remember feeling a strong sense of myself was one time when I felt humiliated by trying to defecate in an almost open fashion while nurses were circling around me.

I remember someone dying across the way. People were surrounding the bed, then a curtain was drawn. Everybody was very quiet. There was that kind of quietness…

Copyright Alma M. 2008

I remember someone having been injured in Iraq. More, as soon as I can….